I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We left the knife in your bed.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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