Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
