ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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