I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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