See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
