You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My balls are so social today.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
