I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
they're like a gay fantastic four
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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