i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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