i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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