I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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