she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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