How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
