Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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