I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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