This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
