another moral hangover. fuck.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
