You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
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Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
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I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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