I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
