I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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