Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
