Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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