shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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