So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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