I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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