How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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