My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
