Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
