This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
