Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
