Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize