Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
