What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
