I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
