i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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