Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
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i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
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When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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