and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
