I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
