Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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