my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize