i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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