Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
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