It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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