Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
