i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
