i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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