They should really pass out barf bags in church
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
