you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
