just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
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And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
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Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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