I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
