ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
