Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Even my vagina gasped.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
