Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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