Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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