And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
