I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
