Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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