What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
