I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
