So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Randomize
