they need to just BURY HIM!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
